April April – Neuigkeiten zum Stand der Entwicklung
we know there hasn’t been much news lately and that you’re starving for information like a parched horse looking for water in the desert. Most recently, there were the texts on Crafting and Crafting accidents – just a proverbial drop in the ocean. Thus now we’re proud to announce:
Unbended will be developed!
April Fools’ Joke
Everything that you can read below was of course our April Fools’ joke of the year. Nothing is the truth but that we of course are continuing to develop UNBENDED for you.
By now, UNBENDED has become such a household name that we can’t afford to not publish it. But how it came to this may alarm one or the other. Here now the true story about UNBENDED:
Everything began last year when we were sitting together and over two to twelve glasses of wine debated how we could once again paint the town – that is, the gaming industry – red. The problem was only that no one had enough time or money. But what could be cheaper than the illusion of a game? Quickly a website with a countdown was created, a community brought to life. The skeptics that suspected an April fool’s joke could be silenced by painstaking work. The rumor “UNBENDED” was born and the longest April fool’s joke in the German game industry could run its course.
But after some time this otherwise harmless joke became independent. We would never have dreamed that the donate buttons would actually be clicked, making such an obvious April fool’s joke an immediate success story. Hastily an account was registered so that we wouldn’t be found out quickly and so that donations wouldn’t come to nothing. But as the donated money in our account increased, so did the pressure to publish. Questions by gaming magazines and critical users about news on the game had to be answered. But where to get those from?
For a long time we simply sat around in a loose circle and devised up news, but it couldn’t continue that way. We started to entangle ourselves in our own constructions and the guilty conscience even drove one of the moderators to flee for a while. We’ve since then were able to restore her enthusiasm about UNBENDED.
It is done, dear community, we indeed will make this game a reality. This post is meant to enable you to throw a first look on the actual game world and slake your thirst of news. Even the Great Creator of this world couldn’t be dissuaded from giving frentmeister an exclusive interview which you can read here.
- Own will! ‘Nuff said.
- New kinds of enemies! Nightmares and Chasmvampires good and well, but do you know what’s really bad? The most gruesome alliance of monsters of all: Goblins and Dachshunds. Of course, they’re not your average goblin or dachshund, as the Drift will ensure. The Dachshunds were changed in such a way that they now carry a sticky yellow-brown substance on their back. In addition, they’re pulling the Goblins, which are equipped with wheels and fire sausages. The perfect combat team!
- Quests! Love! Betrayal! Role-playing game elements! Every friend of Harlequin stories will feel right at home in our world. Stepmothers, (half-naked) lords and flower bouquets can be found in every of the Dominion’s capitals.
- New game modes! For the multiplayer we’ve come up with something especially thrilling. Just connecting your computer to the internet would be too easy. So there will be an in-game auction house where you will be able to bid on a place on one of our many servers.
- DLCs! We’re already have at least ten up our sleeves.
- Animal companions! From B as in bedbugs to R as in rhinoceros, everything is possible! The only condition is that they aren’t bigger than 400 PyxeL so that the graphic artists can still be paid.
- The Drift is going to be pink! Imagine a country full of horror and enemies like the Nightmare. How can that be surpassed? We’ve decided that the Drift will be a pink flood that will surge over the land. It’ll come from the East, of course. In the fantasy genre, everything bad comes from the East.
- Fan service! We know that especially female gamers are on the rise. All armor for the male characters will therefore be limited to loincloths, thongs and nipple clamps. Of course, everything will also be available in a drifted version, with pink pompoms.
- Voice actors! Whether princess, gnome or llama, all NPCs and characters will be spoken by the world’s best Arnold Schwarzenegger imitator.
- Rest breaks! Friends of the night ought to realize that characters in a game are only human too (or not) which is why the gaming day will be linked with day and night times of real life. According with health and safety regulations they may only be played from 8am to 4pm with a lunch break of 30 minutes.
- Items! At least 20! If not more! However, characters may expect potential postural defects.
- Families! Even a wheeled sausage goblin has one and will be happy to show you their pictures in the middle of a fight to gain your sympathies.
- Hygiene! We’re working closely together with the best specialists in VR to give gamers the most realistic olfactory experience possible.
- (In)human needs! Not to have to go when you have to go.
- Pugs! Who doesn’t like them, those little dogs with their dented noses? Pugs will appear on various city arms.
We hope you’re looking forwards to the game just as we do and we thank you for the faith and loyalty you’ve shown. Thanks to your interest and persistence we will program the best game that ever started as an April Fool’s hoax.
Aachen, April 1st 2015